Healing the inner child is necessary until it isn't. Just like Eckhart Tolle says, suffering is necessary until it isn't.
I have to admit I have hated myself for most of my life. Underlying subconscious beliefs (Vasana) coloured every aspect of my life causing me to suffer in a myriad of different ways. I have attracted to me all that do not and cannot value me, for their own personal reasons - that actually have nothing to do with me apart from being the manifested appearance of my core beliefs. So, everything to do with me. lol. Life is a paradox isn't it. Until it isn't. Until understanding dawns that you are both the giver and the receiver in One.
Like so many I know, I had quite a horrific childhood, saved only be a loving mother and grandmother. The last thing I have ever wanted to do is walk down memory lane and love some inner child that in my opinion was completely redundant - as redundant as yesterday. A memory - a concept that I knew in principle to be an unreality. I say unreality because it is not the Present Moment. Anything that is not the present moment cannot be a reality. Memories are not realities unless held in mind, for what is held in mind is held in the physical world eventually.
These core beliefs that coloured my existence, is of mind only and 'I am' not the mind. I have one but I am not one. It is true the Mind is an 'I am' in and of itself however, it is not the true and eternal I am of Spirit. Particularly when in the egoic state. The state that reflects the mental realm as opposed to the Spiritual Realm. Egoic meaning unconscious of oneself Spiritually. I knew intuitively and rationally that this inner child did not really exist outside of the story of an unconscious mind, so healing it was a waste of time. Why heal a memory? Simply stop recreating it by being present in it. It’s like healing an imaginary friend. Now I know this will upset quite a few people because they are so heavily identified with their story but there you have it. I have no other way to put it.
When realization hits - when the penny drops, the mind/body which is your only reality, becomes an illusion. Likewise, the idea or illusion of Spirit which it is to you now and you admit this, becomes an actual reality. It is real. There IS a shift in Consciousness. Your identity or understanding of your own existence - blows your mind. One minute you are the reflection in the mirror and the next you are the person standing in front of said mirror. You are both. Nothing has changed but everything has. You are still in the same warehouse sitting in the same chair only instead of it being dark whereby you can only see a foot in front of you, the lights have come on and you can actually see what you are a part of - instead of apart from.
This state of being, beyond thinking, is more real than your lived existence now. So healing this inner child created by the imagination of a mind that was literally insane (Unconscious of its true omniscient intelligence as Spirit) is not necessary in the long run. I will say however that shadow work or psychology may help in slowing the mind down and making it more present and amendable to being Present Moment Awareness -which is the Christ or Zen Mind - our natural and true state of Being. The sane mind. The real mind. In other words, right thinking will lead to the true state of Being whereby every aspect of being multidimensionally is aligned and working under Grace.
This state of Being in which ones 'I of mind' and 'I of Spirit' have merged (Union) includes states of Consciousness experienced as thinking, sleeping, and dreaming and many other different states of consciousness depending on the time and space of manifestation. For instance, the consciousness of an animal is different to a tree etc. The manifestations of this galaxy is different to the manifestations of another. Irrespective though, it really does not matter for it is all one Consciousness being of many different consciousnesses. lol that sounded so illiterate - to plural the word 'consciousness' doesn't it. It is so naturally One.
Anyway, back to my own story of woe, all my trouble was in my mind and my mind only. And as mind I could not fix this self-hate that did plague me - causing me to destroy and sabotage myself. This self-hate was as strong as my will to fix it because both were me. I was a house divided against itself - fighting itself - literally killing myself. A mind not at ease causes dis-ease of both the body of itself and the world, for in truth they are one and the same. The Subconscious of everyone is one part of the Present Moment aka Soul, for you do not have a life, you are living Life living through 'a life'. The Soul aka Awareness is an activity - not an object btw. The Soul is Unmanifest. The Mind is Manifest.
My Subconscious held core beliefs that said I was not good enough - that I had no value in many different ways. I could not for the life of me, convince myself that I was valuable (therefore anyone else), even while rationally knowing this was an egoic delusion. A physical reality created by a Mind cut off from its Source like a branch from the Vine. This Vasana - this core belief was too strong. I could not as the One (thought) wanting to overcome it,(Another thought) strong enough. Eventually this Vasana got the better of me. I got the better of myself. And ridiculously it was just one thought at war with another anyway - very much like a dog chasing its own tail. Both thoughts were me. One thought being “I love you”. Another being, “No you don't you half-wit, who are you trying to fool.” Over and over my mind went, telling "a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." - Shakespeare.
The Subconscious which is my awareness of being in totality (Incarnate Soul that is a reflection of Soul) causing the conscious mind (Inner I) to rise in thoughts that manifested this reality because it was not at peace. Because of this false belief. There were unconscious aspects of my Subconscious that needed tempering and purifying. Karma ensured it would be.
My Conscious Mind, completely unconscious of itself as Awareness (Unconscious Subconscious tendencies) is horrified that I could be treated so badly. It is always shocked or surprised in life because it’s basically 95% unconscious. Unconscious of all aspects of its being but itself -which is approximately 5% of its total being - the thinking mind - the Witness. Doesn't stop it from thinking it runs the whole show though. I find it ironic that what we term the conscious mind (All our thoughts which we heavily identify with) is the only unconscious part of our whole being, superconsciously, unconsciously, and subconsciously in that is works apart from the them as opposed to a part of them.
It is bizarre isn't it that we are aware we are conscious but not conscious of being Awareness. This is because Awareness is Soul. And the Consciousness of Mind is Mind, not Spiritual Consciousness. Awareness is the activity of Consciousness like the Subconscious is the activity of Mind Consciousness. The Soul is aware of the mind, but the mind is not aware of the Soul. If the mind is not aware of the Soul, it is because it is not present in the Moment which is the Soul but present in itself as thoughts instead. This is unfortunate because The I of Mind can only know itself as the I of Spirit through its own body as Soul and its reflection as the pure Subconscious.
These Subconscious tendencies that were probably there before birth, reinforced the false reality that I was this mind/body that was not worthy of - well anything really by manifesting it in the physical where the conscious mind, which I falsely identified with, can become conscious of it. This is because the egoic mind sees the eyes of flesh rather than the I of Spirit which is the Christ or Zen Mind that is still and quiescent. The true I - not the false egoic I.
It’s funny - I have clarity of vision for everyone's concerns but my own. With my own I am as blind as a bat. So, I could only learn about these core beliefs that hindered me by what life was showing me - by what I was physically living and unconsciously manifesting via the Subconscious. I would never consciously manifest the shite I have manifested in life lol, you can trust me on that. Like everyone else I scribbled all over the creation of Life, which flowed through and as the Subconscious, like I did with an egoic and personal sense of self that was quite insane to be frank.
The Subconscious is my part of the Present Moment. It is my Awareness of Being Now. Experienced as the I am of Mind. My Temple, which I had defiled through taking thought. I did this because I identified with it, through being ignorant of thy True Self in and of Spirit. I took thought rather than sitting peaceably for thought to be given from my true Self. There is such a difference - a difference worth meditating upon and savouring. Thought taken is from mind. Thought given is from Spirit - a dimension of thy Being I knew remotely but not so much intimately. Many sadly do not know it at all.
I am in communion with Spirit and always have been, but union (Realization) has evaded me so far because of unconscious core beliefs that abided in and as my Subconscious. They weigh me down. I cannot rise in consciousness until they are tempered and purified. Beliefs that are carried over and over again into a physical life until I become conscious of them, then transmute their darkness into light by virtue ONLY of Thy Presence. Of myself - as mind I can do nothing but surrender to the Awareness of the moment. The lights burns off the Vasanas aka core beliefs you might say.
Understand the Present Moment is not a unit of time. It is the living waters -the Soul itself. This is why the Present Moment is pivotable to Self-Realization. The Self IS the Moment. This pearl of great price cannot be experienced with the egoic mind that takes thought for the present moment is reality and the thinking mind is illusion. It is thoughts of the present moment which is different to the present moment itself. A HUGE difference. The mental realm is not omniscient. The Spiritual Realm Aka Present Moment - IS.
So, this means being as present in the moment as possible. Remember I said that the mind cannot fix the mind. If it could we would have had a mental health break through by now like we did when penicillin transformed our physical health. We don't. Mental health is still using the same drugs etc as it did a hundred years ago. The mind cannot fix the mind.
"We cannot fix our problems with the same thinking that created them" - Einstein.
To take this concept a step further, we cannot change our reality with taking any kind of thought at all - even very so called 'good thought' as thought should be given. Never taken. This means staying in the moment and waiting for thy daily bread or mana, intuition or whatever you call it. Only Awareness - only Soul can heal the mind. The Soul can only do this when the mind is present within it, with its attention (attending) in it as Present Moment Awareness. This means being always present. So, you see - Present Moment Awareness is you as the I Presence and Awareness being Am Presence being 'One' which is always the moment. This is Present (I) Moment (I am) Awareness (Am). The moment - the mind is embraced by its Father Spirit (I) and its Mother Soul) Am).
To summarize, shadow work and suffering is necessary until it is not. They help to slow the mind down enough to be present so that Soul aka Awareness, has more chance of taming or disciplining it. Tempering it into an instrument of Peace that is still in being as opposed to active in incessant thinking.
Remember the Consciousness of Mind (Incarnate Soul) is temporary. It is a Temple for the living Unmanifest God aka Your true Self. Never confuse the 'I am" consciousness of mind for your 'I am' true Consciousness of Spirit. The Mind is not you. You are the Awareness behind it. It lives in you. You do not live in it.
The clearer you get this mind you call yourself, the more you will see your true Self causing you to realize, to remember- I am the Alpha (Unmanifest/Cause) & the Omega (Manifest/Effect). It's only a matter of time before everyone realizes this. It is fate.
"Time is all we have and all we don't" - Atticus.
~ Tracy Pierce
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